Chayei Sarah — Sudden or Gradual Pain
In his book “Predictably Irrational,” Behavioral Economics professor Dan Ariely describes his experience with pain after suffering 3rd degree burns on seventy percent of his body due to an explosion that he was exposed to at eighteen years of age.
He was hospitalized for three years, and during that time he reflected on people’s behaviors, among which included experiencing and causing pain.
Every day the nurses would come to replace his bandages and disinfect his wounds, an extremely painful process which would last for about an hour. The nurses concluded that as a whole it was more beneficial for the patient to rip off the bandages quickly, causing a spike of intense pain, but short.
When Ariely was released from the hospital, he began his research in Tel Aviv’s university and after a series of experiments concluded that in fact a slow removal of the bandages would have caused him (or any other patients) a lot less suffering. Later on, some nurses admitted that the speedy method was implemented in part to shorten the nurses’ suffering as well.
Believe it or not, our tradition has debated this issue on several occasions. What is more beneficial, being gradually exposed to a difficult situation, or being shocked by it?
This question arises from our Torah portion this week, Chayei Sarah. In his book Sichos Mussar, Rabbi Chaim Shmulevitz ZT”L asks with regard to the Akeda: (the binding of Isaac) “How is it that these two great people (Abraham and Sarah) reacted so differently to the same event? How come Abraham responded with obedience, while Sarah died out of shear shock?"
Shmulevitz concludes that it was because Abraham, as opposed to Sarah, had gradual exposure to the request and had more time to process the idea.
Shmulevitz bases his conclusion on Rashi’s explanation to the verse which begins with: “Take your son, your favored one, Isaac” in which the reason for the gradual progression in the language of the request is so that “Not to confuse and disorient Abraham, causing him to lose his mind.”
Shumuelevitz then brings another example, from the Talmud this time, of a story of a woman who died out of the shock of her husband surprising her after 13 years of absence.
In these examples, we can see that the tradition emphasizes the importance of gradual exposure to an event which might be too intense for one to bear. However, a deeper dive reveals that in some cases, our sages suggest, shock is actually encouraged.
The idea is that when we gradually and over time get used to bad news, we become desensitized and passive, and are not stimulated to fix the situation.
In the book of Ezekiel it is written: “But on the fixed occasions, when the common people come before GOD, whoever enters by the north gate to bow low shall leave by the south gate; and whoever enters by the south gate shall leave by the north gate. They shall not go back through the gate by which they came in, but shall go out by the opposite one.”
The Chassid Yavetz (18th century Rabbi Jacob Emden) explains that one must not become too familiar with the Temple so as to keep the sense of awe towards it and not turn it into an ordinary habit. The Mitzvah of journeying to the Temple three times a year is therefore dangerous, and the way to it must constantly change.
I find this to be a very interesting debate and I don't lean towards one side in particular. To think about the current era and our society, certain behaviors have been normalized by us for quite awhile, turning us blind or careless towards the development of dangerous trends. Sometimes, unfortunately it is precisely the disastrous tragic event which has to come to wake us all up and create change.
On a personal level however, I side with Dan Ariely, who said that personal challenges which develop over time help to build resilience and add tools to our tool bags which we can use to carry us through whatever adversity may come our way.
In Hebrew it is called Histaglut which describes simultaneous familiarity and adaptability to a situation.
Our tradition encourages us to always look at both ends of a certain Sugiya (case,) which I think is always beneficial.
May we always find a way to constantly remain awake and stimulated so that we don’t normalize, get used to, or become desensitized to adversity. But when adversity does meet us, may the people around us be merciful enough to reap the bandages slowly, causing us the least pain possible.
